New Flash Fiction: "Mummy"

Happy Halloween!

Mummy

Winding sheets. We’re not hung out on a line, not like the freshly washed ghosts. That’s not us, we can tell you.

No, we wrap him up. We feel sorry for him, of course, because he died for love, but that makes no difference to what we have to do. We have to work. Dipped in resin, dry and hot, let us work on him, turn him into leather.Once his entrails are gone, it’s our duty.

We felt his blood, when first we were plastered on. Felt the dust all those timeless years, five thousand, imagine, five thousand! You can’t, it’s too old, you can’t even conceive. But we’ve been here that long.

We felt the sun when the tomb was first opened, when the learned doctor of archeology brushed awy the gold leaf and we emerged. (It wasn’t our fault he soon after died a gruesome death - talk to the Canobic jars.)

So we emerged. Now we are still, untouched again, under the glass case, feeling neither dust nor sun but only sixty degrees, thirty percent humidity, like our far flashier cousins the illuminated manuscripts in the east wing. Much more grim, we are consigned to the basement of the museum, where the very little children are afraid to go, directly below the smiling Buddha in the gallery by the fountain upstairs.

The night outside is riot. Firecrackers and crazy fornication, like this poor soul we are wound around never knew, ghosts and sparklers in the streets, drink and smoke of sacred herbs. Above us, on the pavement, strolls the man who works with death, like us - young, tall like no man was in our time, skinny and pale-skinned (he could never be turned into leather, too waxy), with the knots in his neck from bending over his work with the dead, slicing and dicing to explore how they met their reaper.

A young man, you would think, who is very familiar with us - and he is. But even he won’t come down to the museum basement tonight. Even he will take his girl over the town, over the yard full of graves, which are more known to him. He doesn’t want to look the least bit afraid in front of her.

All around him, we’re dancing, vibrant strands, electric in the night, blue - but it’s not us, after all, only people like him, dressed up in us, wound up like this man, our charge. Trying to hold back death by laughing at his jingling skeleton.

We couldn’t do it, hold back death. We’re only strips of linen in resin. We have no magic. We couldn’t keep him alive. Did we fail in our duty? He had a wife, a child, a goat. He has none of those things now.

We can’t emphasize this enough. Take it from us. We know. It’s a fool’s quest, to try to avoid death.

Tip: Workshops, Part 2

Some of you may in fact be wondering how to follow my advice in the posting below about what to look for in a workshop. How the heck are you supposed to know ahead of time? In practical terms, here's what you can do. If it's a class you've signed up for, go to the first one (when you can still get your money back if it's not for you!). Does the instructor talk about ground rules for the workshops? What are those ground rules? Do they talk about a safe environment, and how to give genuinely useful criticism? If not, do they plan to? You can ask at the break or after class if they don't bring this up. If it's a conference you're attending or a writer's group you're thinking of joining, call up and ask the person in charge. Are there ground rules for the workshops? Are they clear? What are they? Are the instructors or workshop leaders told what they are, and expected to follow them?

This is your money and/or time, and you are entirely entitled to this information. At Warren Wilson, there were clear, simple, school-wide ground rules for workshops, and virtually all the instructors were careful to make sure they were followed. And we all got plenty of hard-nosed criticism, too. It just wasn't destructive.

So there.

And hey, don't forget to scroll down to see my pal Robin Maxwell's dates for readings and gigs (in green - get it? Ireland, green?) in Northern California, Southern California, and Chicago for her new fabulous book, The Wild Irish!

Tip: Workshops Are Not All Created Equal

One of you (Hi!) emailed me and talked a little about workshops, and I wrote back some thoughts. It occured to me they might be helpful to all folks contemplating taking a workshop or joining a writer's group, so here goes a lot of it again, plus more:

Ah, yes, workshops. Steve Kowit wrote a book called In the Palm of Your Hand - a very good sort of workbook for poets -- and he has this hilarious version of one of Emily Dickinson's poems after the workshop. Very funny.

The thing is that there can be good workshops and bad workshops. And even ones at prestigious conferences can be bad. It depends on the person leading it (usually an instructor), the chemistry of the group, their own experience and skills as critics, etc. Sometimes even the mood of the day or how tired people are. Or even one person in the workshop, who can have their own agenda, from promoting their own work to projecting their own issues onto characters in your story.

It's a good idea to try to look at the criticism you get objectively, and really try to look in your heart and ask: is that valid? Some may be. Some may not be.

Julia Cameron also has some good sections about criticism in The Artist's Way.Essentially she says that if it's vague and not something you can address, and just makes you feel lousy, odds are it wasn't good or useful criticism. But if if makes you say (after the first rude jolt): Aha! I see that, I can fix that -- chances are it was valid and useful.

I had pretty good experiences at the workshops at Warren Wilson, where I got my MFA, and also at UC Berkeley extension classes and UCLA extension classes.

Go for nurturing workshops where the person in charge makes it a priority to create a safe environment - not one that's a lovefest, of course, which would do no one any good, but safe. Thaisa once said that the best thing someone can do in a workshop is point out a "hole" in the work; not prescribe what to do about it, but just point out something missing to the author.

And also, if you're in a workshop, and you really don't like something you're reading of someone else's, try to find one thing you like. Just one thing. It may be the key into their work that will let you give them criticism that is truly useful.

And as you can imagine, I think less than zero of that macho kind of "we tear them apart to weed out the ones who can't take it - the ones who can take it are the real writers" crap.

And hang in there.

Still to come: some thoughts about plot which someone else emailed me about (Hi, Daria!) and a Halloween flash fiction about mummies. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Unashamed plug for pal's fun new novel, Part 2!

To the Chicago contingent:

Robin is also having some fun events and parties for The Wild Irish in Chicago! Head on over if you can.

Saturday, November 8, 11:00am at READING ON WALDEN BOOKSTORE
9913 S. Walden Parkway
Chicago, IL 60643
(773)233-7633

Sunday, November 9, 2:00pm at CENTURIES AND SLEUTHS BOOKSTORE
7419 W. Madison Street
Forest Park, IL 60130
(708) 771- 7243

Sunday, November 9, 5:30pm at BAMBOO BLUE RESTAURANT (PARTY)
(owned by an Irish girl with
a huge family in Chicago)
18147 Harwood Ave.
Homewood, IL
(708)799-4700

Monday, November 10, 5:30 at BISTROT MARGOT (PARTY)
1437 N. Wells Street
Chicago, IL
(312)586-3660

they'll walked a few doors down to:

Monday, November 10, 7:30 at BARBARA'S BOOKSTORE
1350 N. Wells St.
Chicago, IL
(312)642-5044


If anybody wants to come to the Bistrot Margot party before the Barbara's
Bookstore reading, they need to RSVP to Robin's sister. Try the number listed there; if it's not Robin's sister I'm sure they can put you in touch.

Unashamed plug for pal's fun new novel! Pirates, queens, Ireland, battles!

My dear friend, mentor, and stellar writer Robin Maxwell, author of the bestselling page-turner The Secret Diary of Anne Boleyn, has a great new book out, The Wild Irish. This is a fun blast of a novel about the real-life Irish pirate queen Grace O'Malley, her adventures, her husbands, and her relationship and rivalry with the most powerful woman of her age, Queen Elizabeth I. Robin ingeniously connects the two women - who were amazing and charismatic - through a young man, Robert Dudley, who touched both their lives. Robin will be at the 3515 California St. Books, Inc. in San Francisco at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 5; also in Southern California, at the Sherman Oaks Borders (14651 Ventura Blvd.) Thursday, Oct. 30 at 7:30 p.m. and Dutton's Brentwood (11975 San Vincente Blvd.) Thursday, Nov. 6 at 7 p.m. If you're in California, go see her and have some fun!

New Flash Fiction: "Vampire"

Vampire

I started back when the hand burst out from behind the tombstone.

Purple skin, gold rings on the thumb, fingernails white and pointed, a frilly cuff gray with the mold of the grave, it held a bat on its wrist like a falcon. I screamed like at a horror movie right into the crook of my coroner’s waiting arm. But he wasn’t afraid. He laughed.

And his skinny white wrists were warm and solid, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down once. The razor sharp black shadow showed on his chin, because like me he had been up all night.

Do you remember the first time you were up all night, snatching life out of the jaws of death?
The first time you had no sleep and walked around dead on your feet the next day, head burning and buzzing, but alive with the memory of the night before? It was always a weekday, why was that? It never happened on a Friday or Saturday night, no, the important nights were always unexpected, always left you numb and useless at work the next morning.

I wanted another up all night night. I wanted razor sharp shadow on an unshaven chin, the tap tap
of the razor on the edge of the sink in the light of a cold cruel gray sleepless morning. Love that sound.

Vampires never shave. Their skin is always clean, fangs narrow and sharp and precise.

My coroner let me go then, as though he had suddenly remembered something, and looked into the red eyes of the bat.

I like death, a little, I said. Don’t we all have to dance with the grim reaper? How do we even know he’s grim?

Oh, he’s grim, said my coroner, grimly. (See how already I called him my coroner.)

Doesn’t he laugh and smile? I asked.

Oh, yes, my tall skinny coroner said. He does that too.

Tip: Poets and Writers, the Magazine and the Web Site

Another Web site (besides the Publishers Marketplace one I mentioned in one of my first postings, I think in August) that is genuinely helpful to beginning writers is Poets and Writers (www.pw.org). A lot of you may already be familiar with Poets and Writers Magazine. This is a useful little periodical that comes out every two months, six issues a year, for $19.95 per year. It usually has a cover story on a well-known literary writer (fiction writer or poet) and for some reason these writers always look kind of grim on the cover - magazine photo style or late advance checks? We'll never know.

In any case, the magazine is a tad more literary than the more commercial Writer's Digest publications. It features articles about the more literary side of the industry (what is narrative nonfiction, really? who decides what books get reviewed? what about the current MFA explosion?) and also practical advice (how to get an agent, step-by-step). But a large part of its value is in the generous number of listings it has in the back of every issue announcing calls for manuscripts from literary reviews, magazines, anthologies, contests, etc. These are well indexed by region and type in the magazine. The Web site has a place for you to subscribe to the magazine (left column of home page), but also offers many of these listings, with links to some of the various magazines, reviews, and contest sites, for free. You can search for awards and contests that are specific to your region. Some of these venues even allow you to submit your work electronically, so you can literally do the whole thing without leaving your computer. All in all, it's darned convenient.

We've all had that year where we decide we're going to enter every contest we see! But take the same approach I recommend for using the Writer's Market listings. Choose a few likely candidates. Don't just waste your contest entry fees (they are usually $10 to $35 a pop). Ditto with the magazines and reviews you see there. Try a few at a time, but keep it steady. And remember, only pay fees to a contest, not to a publisher, magazine, or agent, and don't even pay an exorbitant fee to a contest! If anyone at all wants, say, $100 to read your work, something fishy is going on.

Hang in there.

Husband's Shooting His Vampire Flick

As some of you know, my talented and cute husband Mehran is an aspiring filmmaker who has already done several zero-budget features and shorts. (Zero-budget is the new low-budget; low budget now means less than three million dollars.) This one is a truly fun vampire flick.

Anyone ever had a movie shot in their house? Oy!

New Flash Fiction: "Wicked Witch"

More Halloween flash fiction of a surreal nature. Not sure how many of these I have now; I've decided on the goal of a chapbook's worth. (Incidentally, if there are any poets out there, or just anyone who likes to do a little literary criticism now and again, I'd love to see your feedback on these. Feel free to email!

Wicked Witch

The Wicked Witch with her green skin, I saw that day. I’m sure of it. Outside the park district office when ballet was canceled, on a cold gray autumn day, across from the zoo. The seals barked desperately and whimpered, even them, from the cold and lack of sunshine. They were spoiled seals now, arctic no more, used to the heat of summer in Lincoln Park.

I was afraid and I still cried out to her “Take me home!” She did not turn around. But I added silently, “Give me potion and brews to drink. Teach me.”

Tip: Staging Your Own Readings

Oh, how I wish I were one of those really good bloggers who blogs every day, someone with a never-ending supply of intelligent musings . . . but alas, no dice. Some weeks are better than others. So here's my tip for this time:

Get together with a few writing or otherwise creative friends (I've found two more plus you, for a total of three, is ideal -- it guarantees a full house in a smallish venue once you've asked all your friends but the program doesn't get long and boring) and have a reading. This is easy. You approach a likely spot, such as neighborhood cafe, book store, or your local library. Even Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Starbucks can often be very receptive to this, especially the ones in smaller cities, or out-of-the-way ones in large cities. It depends on the manager. Have a few places in mind -- some will not want to do it for any number of reasons. (One cafe I tried with some friends wasn't receptive because it shared the space with a classical music store and didn't feel they could disrupt the store that way.) But don't be put off. Simply call a possible venue or two and ask to speak to the manager. Let them know what you want to do, about how long it will take (an hour is good), and about how many people will come. Some of them won't want any fee, some, such as a small cafe, may want a nominal fee. (I paid $25 for an hour in a little cafe in Oakland once.) Don't work with anyone who wants a lot of money. You're getting people in to buy their coffee. And of course the library is usually free.

Work out a program with your friends. This can include a simple reading each (keep it to 15 minutes each, no more than three or four people, or the audience gets bored); a staged reading of a story; an excerpt of a play; a presentation of artwork; or some combination. Themes are fun. (Some friends and I had a lot of success with a staged reading of one of my Her Infinite Variety Shakespeare stories, a presentation of the Ten Minute Hamlet [hilarious], and a Shakespearean Mad Lib of Hamlet's "To be or not to be" speech.)

Let all of your friends and family know it would mean the world for you for them to come. Make flyers. Get an events listing in your local newspaper. (Most newspapers do this as a service as long as you get them the info on time -- check the listings in your paper. Somewhere near them there will be a deadline and instructions for how to send them information. Or simply call the paperand ask.) And send a flyer to the paper's entertainment or books page; it can't hurt. There's always a possibility you will get a bit of coverage.

Don't be nervous. If you don't like reading your own work aloud, ask someone who's more into performing to do it.

Why do all this? you ask. Many reasons. One, it is a way to get your "Google quotient" (mentioned in a previous entry in this blog) up; the newspaper listing will list your name, that may be found by Google, this adds to your "platform." Two, you never know who you might meet or what networking you might do. Things start to happen when you get active in your local writing community. And three, it really is fun, and believe it or not, it makes a nice change for your audience -- it's a lot more restorative than sitting in front of the TV all night. Even if the only folks who come are friends and family (did I say "only?" who is more important?), you will have a good time and get your confidence up.

Fall and winter are a great season for this. Go for it. It's really not that much trouble, and you'll be glad you did.

New Prose Poem, I Think: Imps

As Halloween approaches and I stare at the vintage Halloween stuff my sister sent me, and my fun pack of Halloween Tarot cards (the Empress is the Bride of Frankenstein), I'm going to town. Love to my friends up in the San Francisco Bay Area, who do the Night of the Dead lke nobody else.

Imps

Step out
of the elevator
out of the cool blue glass doors
into the night to meet my young coroner, my new date.
Quiet here, downtown, among the offices.
But the red creatures
size of a fingernail
imps
descend
flitting this way, that,
eight of them, no, thirteen.
Always thirteen.
Bits of fire in the black.
Matchsticks.
One of them lights on my nose
a mosqito, orange and chimney red
buzzing
buzzes, "What are you up to?"
I gulp.
"Um . . . nothing. You?"
Now it smiles. I can see it if I cross my eyes.
“What am I up to?” it says.
Wider smile, yellow like salamanders. Soft as a steam kettle.
"Looking for you."
It's time -- time for what, exactly? Time to light the match?

Tip: Does Everybody Know About Writer's Market?

Well! After a L-O-O-O-N-G trip back from France, much jetlag, a business trip to San Francisco, and a bout with flu, I am back to blogging, shamefully late. (That all sounded very jet-set, didn't it? That'll pass -- it ain't my normal life, I promise.) France was essentially incredibly cool except that one of the dogs we were watching was an eight-month-old husky puppy. During hunting season, when it was as much as this puppy's life was worth to go out unsupervised, her be-all and end-all purpose was to get out -- tunnel under fences, slip her leash, etc. They're smart dogs, too -- I watched this one turn a doorknob to get out a door, I swear. A friend said, "So, essentially, you were outsmarted by a dog?" Yes. Yes, I was.

So, home now, and back to tips: It occurs to me that I've mentioned Writer's Market, assuming that everyone knows what it is. But if you're a beginner, you may not. It's a book, the industry bible of where to sell your work, a sort of master list of publishers. magazines, etc., with addresses, contact information, needs and demands of the various publishing outlets, who is buying what, etc. It comes out every year in August, and is used by beginners and established professionals alike. There is one basic Writer's Market, which pretty much lists markets for everything: articles and other forms of journalism, essays, ficiton, nonfiction, short stories, novels, poetry, etc. There are also specific books for specific markets, such as children's books, poetry, and of course, fiction. For fiction, the one you want is Novel and Short Story Writer's Market. They have also just begun in the last couple of years to have an agents' section in these books, which is very useful.

The Writer's Markets also have reasonably helpful little interviews with professionals as filler, sample query letters or query letter hints, guidelines for what you send in a proposal package, and so on. You can get them from Amazon, in most bookstores, or off of the publisher's website, www.writersdigest.com. (The website is also fairly useful, with tips and hints and lists of promising markets.)

Writer's Market doesn't list absolutely every publishing possibility there is, but it does list a very large percentage of the outlets who are buying. The 2004 versions should be in the stores now. They're an excellent resource. Warning: don't try to send to everyone listed! You never could. You could also never subscribe to all the literary reviews who say you should subscribe to them to see what kind of stories they publish. Go through the entries, pick ten to twenty likely possibilities, and start sending. If those all come back, pick ten to twenty more. Just keep going. Hang in there!